what i've learned this week

Ok so, considering that I’m a student, am supposed to be receiving some sort of education, which I will eventually pay for, I thought I’d share a couple of interesting things I’ve learned this week. Ah, I hear the moving of the mouse to the ‘X’ in the corner already. STOP. Don’t worry the things I want to tell you I didn’t learn in school. I’m not about to go off on some academic rant about something you’ve either never heard off or could probably care less about. Relax its ok…I mean It will save me typing my fingers to their stumpy end, and of course I wouldn’t want any of you crying bloody tears of boredom!

Ok so, well there’s a bit of a theme that connects the two stories I wonder if you’ll be able to see. Let’s play spot the moral!

Well last week sometime I read that there was an army training exercise in Iraq. Not so strange. Ok. And that they were being trained in the early hours of the morning on a new type of machine gun. Well so far ok I can go along with this…why they want a ‘new’ type of machine gun is questionable, did the others not kill quick enough? Anyway beside the point. So there were these soldiers, a little sleepy I presume from being woken up to play with their new toys... er guns…sorry, and well one particular soldier had an unfortunate accident, because the gun jammed, and he shot himself.

This isn’t such a strange story you might think, but reading a little more about this it turns out the guy shot himself in the head…oooh that’s unfortunate I hear you think. Yea! Well, er…pretty unfortunate for him. But, upon learning this I couldn’t help but give out a loud deep rumbling belly laugh of despair. First I’ll tell you why the laugh…then the despair. I could just imagine this guy sleepy, just woken up, maybe a little hungry thinking about breakfast. I don’t really know what would be on offer for breakfast in armed forces in Iraq? But anyway, our soldier picks up the gun, kinda excited to be playing with something new, walks over to the firing range and makes himself comfy…getting ready to fire off a few rounds, start the day with a bang he thinks!

Well! …Click…click, ‘hmm’ the soldier thinks ‘gun’s gone and jammed’. At this point my imagination takes me to the person standing next to him firing off a few rounds, he looks over to see this guy turning the gun towards himself looking for the problem, and staring right down the barrel of the gun... BOOM!! No breakfast for our soldier, and I assume neither for our observer whose just been witness to perhaps the greatest act of stupidity he will ever see in his life! I guess tea, and toast isn’t really that appealing when you’re wiping someone’s face of your clothes!

‘ben…that’s not funny how could you laugh at such a thing’ well as far as I’m concerned anybody willing to turn a gun around so that it could blow your head off is either someone who is inconsolably depressed, or someone that never learned what end the bullets come out! I mean a three year old knows which end to hold a gun. I guess I just never realised cartoons were based on real life events!! This brings me laughter of despair. The despair to think that there are people like this in the world, and these people represent are the fingers on the arm of our foreign policy. Don’t want to get too political, but …what the fuck, come on!

Ok well to a little more light hearted story, well I say light hearted…what I actually mean is I won’t mention the war! ‘which war? There are too many’ shhhhh.

Well…picture this. Refresh your eyes. Reading on a computer can dry you out. That’s if you’ve got this far, if your still going and I haven’t scared you off with the other story then get this.

In America this week, and if you could please refrain from American prejudice until after the email! I mean they’ve got minds just like us, they’re just not allowed to use them…it’s the law…I’ve seen it…honest. It’s not their fault. Anyway so Nintendo releases a computer console that a lot of people want to buy for some reason. Maybe it helps you escape reality better than anything else on the market…better than drugs perhaps. I don’t know. But anyway it’s called a wii. I’m sure most of you have probably heard of it, and it pronounced ‘wee’ by the way. For the Spaniards out there it’s pronounced ‘wii’ …funny eh?

Ok so a radio station held a competition to win one of these coveted wii consoles, and the competition was called ‘hold your wee for a wii’. So clever. So ingenious. I wonder how long it took to think that up. But the premise is fairly simple…no seriously…no joke…despite the name its actually an easy concept!. So, the group of people continuously drink water without going to the toilet. The last remaining person to withstand the effects of er…NATURE will win him or herself a wii console. For those of you that don’t know the story then I can hear you thinking where the hell is this going? Is this going to be an urban myth where everybody is drinking; nobody wants to quit then at some point, well into the competition, someone makes a joke, the bladder releases; everybody else follows suit because they are, in the greatest sense of the phrase, just pissing them selves. Causing a giant wave and a flood that crashes and bounds through the building where the competition is being held; carrying old ladies and screaming children swimming in a torrent of urine.

Er…well unfortunately this story is a little more serious than that. One woman drank continuously for three hours. Didn’t win the console. Gave up. Went home. Next day she died. Water intoxication. Was I laughing?...Yes

Now I know that might seem horrible, and cruel. But, I think if you’re going to drink litres and litres of water without going to the toilet then you pretty much deserve what’s coming to ya! How desperate can a person be that they want to be the proud owner of a bunch of plastic and electronics made in a poor third world country that they will risk their life consuming the one resource that the third world country probably values more than the electronic junk! Oh the irony pains me. What does our three year old friend have to say on this one? ‘what happens if you drink lots of water and don’t go to the toilet?’ to which he might respond ‘burst’ pretty close, pretty close. How wise children are!!

I guess the moral is be it a gun or be it water…if you’re stupid, or just willing to be stupid; suspending your internal dialogue of intellect for one moment, you know that voice of reason, then world is a very dangerous place, and who said ignorance is bliss!!!

I hope I haven’t offended anyone, just wanted to share some thoughts. If you don’t like it delete it, or write back. And if you can see what I can see then I’m glad.

Enjoy your week

Ben